:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
