He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
