he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this just has baby written all over it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
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Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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