$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
