Kiss
Puke
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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