google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
