like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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