The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
why do cheetos always look like penises
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
