we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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