i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
