she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
