Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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