Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
