you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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