Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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