I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
