yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
