I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
