Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
