I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
