Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
