I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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