I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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