i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
