my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
