Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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