Do you still have your period?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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