puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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