I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
