You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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