i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize