It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
