Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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