thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
