They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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