At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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