he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
