I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
sex in a hospital.. check
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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