I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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