When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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