Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
