One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
