Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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