I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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