haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need moral support for this bender
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
