Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the condom got lost in my hair
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
