We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
