2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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