You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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