rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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