Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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