We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
