how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
