I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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