I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
