i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
