My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
