Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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