I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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