Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
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So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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