I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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