so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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