You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
