New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
