Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
