I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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