So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
