I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
