i think my tv is drunk
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
