So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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