btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
