I'm jealous of your bromance
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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