you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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