Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
