My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
