Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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